Prelude to a Pilgrimage

I've been reading through some of Merton's 1968 journal entries and correspondence to get a sense of "where he is at" in the period before his pilgrimage. Throughout 1968 Merton expresses a clear yearning for "silence", "real solitude", "deepening", and "transformation". He often says that he is tired of "talking and writing". He also seems worn down by the violence and turmoil in the world. In the wake of Kings assassination he notes that "1968 is a beast of a year". And it was only early April!

I note the following passages from Mertons journals, from "The Intimate Merton" (IM).

March 14, 1968
"Every week now I refuse two or three invitations to meetings and conferences - important ones - but I do not think I can get mixed up in them or that there is any point in so doing... Still a question about Bangkok. This I should go to... But will Bangkok be a place one can get to in Decemeber? Or will the whole place be up in flames?" IM p.321

March 16, 1968
"Almost every day I have to write a letter to someone refusing an invitation to attend a conference or workshop or to give talks on the contemplative life, or poetry, etc. I can see more and more clearly how for me this would be a sheer waste, a Pascalian diversion, participation in a common delusion. (For others, no: they have the grace and mission to go around talking.) For me what matters is silence, meditation, and writing: but writing is tertiary." IM p.322

April 6, 1968
"The murder of Martin Luther King lay on top of the travelling car like an animal, a beast of the apocalypse. It finally confirmed all the apprehensions- the feeling that 1968 is a beast of a year, that things are finally and inexorably spelling themselves out." IM p322-23

April 18, 1968
"The problem of real solitude: I don't have it here. I am not really living as a hermit. I see too many people, have too much active work to do, the place is too noisy, too accessible. People are always coming up here... All I have is a certain privacy, but real solitude is less and less possible here. Everyone knows where the hermitage is, and in May I am going to the convent of the Redwoods in California. Once I start travelling around, what hope will there be?" IM p.323

May 14, 1968
Our Lady of the Redwoods, California: "How many incarnations hast thou devoted to the actions of body, mind and speech? They have brought thee nothing but pain. Why not cease from them" (Astravakra Gita). Reincarnation or not, I am as tired of talking and writing as if I had done it for centuries. Now is the time to listen at length to this Asian ocean. Over there, Asia." IM p.327

May 21, 1968
Gethsemani: "I, for one, realize that now I need more. Not simply to be quiet, somewhat productive, to pray, to read, to cultivate leisure -otium sanctum! There is a need of effort, deepening, change and transformation... But I do have a past to break with, an accumulation of inertia, waste, wrong, foolishness, rot, junk, a great need of clarification of mindfulness, or rather of "no mind" - to return to genuine practice, right effort, need to push on to the great doubt. Need for the spirit. Hang on to the clear light!" IM p.331

September 9, 1968
"I go with a completely open mind. I hope without special illusions. My hope is simply to enjoy the long journey, profit by it, learn, change, perhaps find something or someone who will help me advance in my own spiritual quest. I am not starting out with a firm plan never to return or with an absolute determination to return at all costs. I do feel there is not much for me here at the moment and that I need to be open to lots of new possibilities. I hope I shall be! But I remain a monk of Gethsemani. Whether or not I will end my days here, I don't know. Perhaps it is not so important. The great thing is to respond perfectly to God's Will in this providential opportunity, whatever it may bring." IM p.337

Until tomorrow... Rob

"The great thing is to respond perfectly to God's Will in this providential opportunity, whatever it may bring." Thomas Merton